From a Life of Modern Woman!

Taking the Exams...or The Journey Must be Documented!

2010-07-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

My mother had a dream: that my father, her and I were in a public place full of people, and she kept saying to my dad, just don't lose her, just please don't lose her. And he did. They looked all over for me, as she started to panic more and more, suddenly my father appeared and carried me back. I was may be 2 or 3 years old, and she asked me,"Where have you been my daughter? I was looking all over for you," to which I replied with as smart of a face as 3 year could make, "I was taking the exams."

I pondered upon the concepts of taking the exams of life. What does it mean? What am I being tested on? In any case if this is where the exams must be taken, L.A. is not that bad of a place at all, as a matter of fact feels like I pulled a good ticket. However, the concept of the Universe testing is a New Age concept, and according to the teaching of the Medicine People of Peru, we are just particles that sometimes collide with other particles, and from that the new trajectory of flight is established. Unless of coarse, you are a shaman, or any spiritual being that has mastery of his or her life. Someone pointed out to me today that I have said my path to be the Path of the Alchemist...The Tarot comes to mind, with the picture of the Magus. As I walked around my house aimlessly today, I remembered how many formulas I knew. It took me back to mathematics, I might be lost, but I know formulas. Life did start feeling like a school for a bit. I kept bringing myself back to different school experiences I had to see which one feels at least remotely close to what I'm going through. I thought of the 2 years of school online. Every exam meant the same thing: Its time to write a paper. And that's when it dawned on me: The Journey Must Be Documented.

I can not help but think back on March. Something happened there in March, and it changed my life. It changed me. And it all started at the training. After, the initial training we had what Ellen, my Medicine teacher, peculiarly called the Deepening Day. I don't know what happened to the rest of the people who participated, but I went so deep into my soul, that I was astonished that one can even go that deep. It was deep and dark. Uffff! In any case, all I remember is us doing a Shamanic Journey into the Under World. The intent was to see the old map according to which we are operating our lives. When we came out of trance, we had to act it out, teach the others what we for so long believed was true. I can't not remember exactly, but my map was based on the concept of fighting for survival to the end, and when the survival was winning, or in the vision I had it was the tribal people who cut me open, I surrendered to it. And from my torn and cut open body the beautiful flowers grew. The beauty came from pain. We took that map and guess what we did with it? We burned it! Burned along with some other outdated material each one of us stored inside.
I burned it, and that's when it all hit me. The March Madness...staying true to my cat nature I went totally mad in march:)) you already heard what I went through...needless to say I could hardly wait till the next Medicine Wheel in May.
This one focused on the Teachings of the Serpent. Unlike in Christian teachings where the Serpent is depicted as an evil creature, Medicine People look at the Serpent and one of the organizing principle of the Universe. In Indian teaching Vishnu was also a serpent, who participated in the creation of the Universe. So Serpent teaches about the flow. It teaches about shedding of the skin, how to let the old die and then finding the emotional hooks into the old you, shed the old self as she would shed her skin. It teaches about staying close to the ground and seeing the true essence of things.
Somehow shedding a piece of skin seems much easier then shedding your whole identity. I can only hope that as I practice this it will become less and less radical. But from my experience right now the shedding of my old self is so intense of a process that it landed me on the other side of the country. It feels more like death then shedding, leaving me a drift for a while, soft and vulnerable.
The Serpent teaches you how to flow through circumstances without attaching to anything, letting go of the old without fear, just letting it all go.
When the old skin is shed the snake is left with a soft under belly. Its skin is delicate and gentle. It is the time when the snake pays special attention to its path, because any rough surface could be damaging to her soft, freshly formed skin.
May be that is why my mother saw me as a 3 year old child lost in a place full of grown up people. It is like the return to innocence, when the new life program is just a seed in the soil, and yet returning to innocence at 26 means that to bring the right seeds to fruition you must use the right methods of agriculture. There must be just the right formula of water, sun and nourishment to bring these seeds to fruition of sweet juicy fruits, and create a life map that grows beauty from beauty and not from pain and suffering.
And I'm going to document this journey.

The First Audition...or What Happened to My Life?

2010-07-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

I'm in L.A...as many of you already know that. Although it was a choice I made, it feels like up until this point I was just going through the motions, the going got me to my first audition. And there I was in my underwear screaming on top of my lungs, pretending I saw I rat. It was a moment of awakening. Just a few month ago, I was a girl in Long Branch NJ, teaching my yoga with my mission in life clearly outlined by services and arts. I can not help but got back to March, the month where everything has turned around in my life. Just like that I woke up one morning and my life seemed false. Nothing made any sense anymore. My relationships crumbled, my car almost caught on fire, I went to jail, I left my mother's house, I didn't sleep, I didn't eat, but I felt...I felt the great pain that I have denied myself the option of feeling before. I was always a fighter. Since the day I came to this country I fought my way through for survival, I put the feelings of loss and disconnection deep inside of myself and trooped, like a good soldier would. Nothing ever came easy, after all, being illegal is never really easy for anyone. But those were the cards I was dealt, and I played my hand to win. When I was 22, something changed. A strike of good fortune. By that time I was 3 years into my spiritual practices, and things started to shift. I moved to Pier Village, I went to college and it felt so good that right there and then I thought that I have to share with other people what I have learned. Just barely out of extensive suffering myself I was eager to make other people's lives better. I did my yoga training, and the Studio landed on my drunken lap in Mattison Park. Against all opposition I made it happen. I lived for it.
While I was running the studio I have entered into a Shamanic Training Program. And I truly believe that this is what has hit the switch. It was a Universal 2x4. I started to cancel my classes and at some point stopped teaching altogether. It felt and it still does as if I have nothing to offer to anyone. Shortly after, I ended up in California. I say ended up, because this was never a plan, and if you would have asked me if 6 month ago if I would ever live in Cali, I would have laughed and said been there done that. But here I am. Apart from the 1st week, things were going pretty smoothly here for me. Everything came together, the apartment, the right people at the right time, some guidance. It all aligned.
Except there is nothing that I get up in the morning for. Apart from a tremendous learning experience I carried away from the Studio, I also carried away a guilty conscious for just being, for just creating, for putting myself first. I notice myself over and over, wanting to give people everything I have, and just get by with whats left. I notice how quickly people get used to that, and have no problem with taking it all. I have never thought that putting yourself first is so hard. Back then in my March-Madness I cried to the Universe to take me Home. Not knowing where that would be all I wanted to do is go Home. Today I understand that Home is within you. Its in your Open Heart. And yet the road there is so illusive, covered in fog and fear. I have always compared my life's journey to the journey of my body on the yoga mat, and here I finally brought myself to a yoga class. I moved through the practice, and it was alright, until I got to Savasana, the corpse pose. And then I understood, I am corpse. I feel how everyday my identity is dying away. I know not just who I am anymore. It feels like a yogic dream...where you have completed your practice, the body is motionless on the floor, and your mind goes into the gap between two place, a gap between two cycles: the one that you just finished and the one that hasn't yet begun!

I'm in L.A....people are Nice!

2010-07-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

So today is 3 weeks since I got to Cali. Time is flying by...
Each week the experience is becoming more exciting...I have to admit that during the first week here I thought of going back home to the Jersey Shore. I started in Orange County. I drove around to get a feel for the place...and couldn't understand what was it that made me fall in love and come to Cali. I drove to Laguna Beach...and there it was the picture perfect beach...the flowers....the art....people painting on side walks...food...music...And yet it was the place could not contain me....it was so much like home...and even with all the extra fanciness could not hide the glass ceiling that existed there...it was a perfect place to run a small business...my business...In Spirit Living business.

So I drove to L.A. The first trip scared me even more then the glass ceiling. Hollywood Avenue turned out to be the dirtiest street I've ever seen...that's when I thought OK one long trip down Pacific Coast Highway and I'm going home...OK may be 10 days of Shiva Rea and I'm definitely going back home...

I came back to Orange County... I had no idea what to do next...Like a good student of my Shamanic teachings I went to the mountain...The Natives believe that the mountains hold Great Wisdom...wisdom that they will share with you if you listen...I sat on a rock...with the song of my rattle I called the Spirits of the Earth...like in the story about a man who called to God...a lizard showed up and set next to me through out my meditation practice...I knew the Spirit heard me...and then I thought if a snakes comes out...I'm going to panic...one thing for certain...no matter what the outcome may be I will only settle for the Path of my Greatest Destiny...all I need to do is to see it...

In the next 2 days the events unfolded in such a way that I knew I had to leave Orange County and quick. And I did. And that was the best decision I had made up until this point...On Monday I arrived in Los Angeles...it was clear that my luck has turned around...as a courtesy my new friend took me on the tour of some most beautiful neighborhoods I had ever seen....I felt my heart racing...I knew I'm getting closer to the Dream I had when I booked that plane ticket. The next day I had begun the apartment hunt...to fuel my excitement even more came the beautiful men, and they are everywhere...last time I saw so many good looking men was in Boston...but there they were all white...here they are white,black, purple...everyone so beautiful...and they are everywhere...women got style...It feels like the most good looking population of the country moved to L.A.
Unfortunately, I can not say the same thing about the places that they have for rent here. I have never seen that many shit holes ever. Excuse my language...but there is just no other description for these places. On the positive side there are a lot of old buildings...so the Architecture definitely gives the authentic and historic landscape of the city. There is Charm. I have a feeling that this city has a lot hidden gems that I have yet to discover.
The two days before Independence day I spent in solitude. It was nice to clear my thoughts. I decided to cancel my Shiva Rea training...after 4 hour research on acting and what it takes to get the foot in the door...I couldn't fall asleep. Acting is a lot like yoga...in yoga you find the way to be aware of your body, your breath, your emotion...its the study of conscious control...acting is taking the awareness of emotions and controlling them in a way that allows you to shape shift...into your character. I caught myself thinking that there is something scary about exposing yourself in front of the camera....and yet that fear is alluring. So I decided that I'm going to take acting classes instead of yoga. It's been so long since my last classes...its been 7 years. I left L.A. 7 years ago with a burning desire to finish college, to get my papers, to do something useful in my life...and here I am...after getting all of that done Life has brought me back to L.A. Back to acting...The feeling of being here now is so different...I am no longer that young scared girl...the wondering, lonely soul that followed the Wind...I am a woman...and I am no longer lonely or scared of the big world out there. Here I must admit that everyday that I wake up here...I realize that some of my power comes from the people that I have met in the past 7 years. My true friends....you make me feel rich, safe and strong even when you are not with me. I feel you love and I want to thank you. Thank you my Friends. Thank You unconditionally for being part of my life!

Ode to Long Branch!

2010-06-14T00:40:00.000-07:00

Since the day I walked off the train in Elberon, I have been taken by the energy of City. I didn't know what it was just yet, but I knew something waited for me there. And it did. I met so many people in Long Branch, who I love now deeply. The studio that I had in Breakwater Beach Club is where my journey begun. I woke up every morning with the sun rise above the ocean. Almighty Ocean. You have taught me so much about the mysteries of the Universe. I learned how to ride the changing tides of Life, by watching and riding your waves. I learned about the Cycle of the Moon, as I saw it being born on your shores; slender, barely visible, and I followed it every time, learning the pull that it has on the waters, like a farmer learning when to plant my seeds...You have taught me how to be the tide and the changing moon. You have let me enjoy again swimming the night. Like a mermaid...one with the Dark Water...you taught me fearlessness...you taught me fierceness.

Pier Village...I love those two years and the people...5th floor...KGB ...you know who you are:) thanks for all the trivia:) and the good music...the Avenue days...they started with a limo and a lots of champagne:) and that is always a good beginning...My Russian students....who I love... it was so nice to walk into the Avenue and see their beautiful faces while we drank Valentinos and watched the waves crash on the shore....Thank you Avenue for the best oysters and that mysterious bottle of Tettinger that was perfection in the glass.

My studio...thank you for finding me...I had the best job experience ever...it feels great loving what you do for a living....all the talented people who walked through the doors....all the people who played music in the studio....all the beautiful artists whose worked I adored every month....thank you! The day when artists dropped their work for the next show was a lot like Christmas...thank you all my students who supported me, thank you for your presence....thank you my meditation group...meditating with you transformed my life...thank you all the people who brought their power to the studio and shared it for co-creation of better life for yourself and everyone around you...thank you for letting me be your guide...thank you for your trust...thank you for your power!

The Masquerade....thank you everyone who got involved in bringing the arts to Long Branch....working with you to create the masquerade was my absolute pleasure...I had so much fun...doing it...being there and seeing everyone glow...I really enjoyed getting to know everyone...and I will repeat myself your Inspiration, you talent, your beauty inspires me so much in turn that I will carry each one of you in a very special place in my heart...thank you for your gifts...your gifts of beauty....

Thank you ....thank you ....thank you!!!

On Marriage with Spirit

2010-05-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

I arrived at the end of a cliff.
My journey long and weary.
I stood Still, without a Breath
overlooking the the valley underneath of me.
I called to the Great Eagle.
A magnificent bird appeared in the sky.
"This is California" it said.
And I have a surprise for you,
"Tonight you will go on a date,
Champagne all night" but we have to fly there.
I took a breath. I could only dream
in my wildest dreams to fly.
I took another breath.
"Don't be afraid" the Eagle said,
"Spread your wings, and let the Wind carry you."
I leaped. Following the Great Eagle high into the Sky.
There in the Sky I met the Great Spirit.
It was Love at first sight.
We married on the Mountain, and I thought,
"...When I'm with you I feel like can die and that would
Alright." Alright.
We married on the Mountain, and I vowed,
"I will create with you forever!"
The Winds sang us songs, as we danced through the night
by the Fire.
Stars, sparkling like a glass of the finest Tattinger.
And with the Sunrise we left to our Honey Moon
And to raise corn and Gods!

Red Bird explains himself

2010-05-13T08:46:00.001-07:00

Red Bird Explains Himself

“Yes, I was the brilliance floating over the snow

and I was the song in the summer leaves, but this was

only the first trick

I had hold of among my other mythologies,

for I also knew obedience: bring sticks to the nest,

food to the young, kisses to my bride.

But don’t stop there, stay with me: listen.

If I was the song that entered your heart

then I was the music of your heart, that you wanted and needed,

and thus wilderness bloomed that, with all its

followers: gardeners, lovers, people who weep

for the death of rivers.

And this was my true task, to be the

music of the body. Do you understand? for truly the body needs

a song, a spirit, a soul. And no less, to make this work,

the soul has need of a body,

and I am both of the earth and I am of the inexplicable

beauty of heaven

where I fly so easily, so welcome, yes,

and this is why I have been sent, to teach this to your heart.”

Red Bird

2010-05-12T11:18:00.000-07:00

Red Bird

Red Bird came all winter
firing up landscapes
as nothing else could.

Of course I love sparrows,
those dun-colored darlings,
so hungry and so many.

I am a God-fearing feeder of birds.
I know He has many children,
not all of them bold in spirit.

Still, for whatever reason-
perhaps because the winter is so long
and the sky so black-blue,

or perhaps because the heart narrows
as often as it opens-
I am grateful

that red bird comes all winter
firing up landscapes
as nothing else can do.

Mary Oliver

The Morning After...

2010-05-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

So there is no better place to start telling a story then in the Present Moment. Right Now, when yesterday is already gone, and tomorrow is not here yet.

It's the morning after what we call the Show, or the opening reception.There is something about coming to the studio when its empty, but is still holding a fresh memory of all the people who were there the night before.

The air is imprinted with the breaths of the souls who were there. Right now my body is over flowing with endomorphines. I feel like every breath I take, expands me, and when I breathe you in, it connects me to all of your secrets. Each breath Enriches me; each one Inspires.And I Thank all of you for sharing your breath last night. So of coarse something had to go wrong, as usual, and this time someone took the bathroom door of the hinges, and with it the door in my Heart was also just completely taken off its hinges. There is nothing else now that blocks the emence Love I hold in my Heart, and its pouring out with such intensity that only the Sky can hold it. The Universal Love. It brings me in owe. This is what is called Samadhi in the yogic tradition, it the intense bliss of being One with the rest of the Universe. And if your Heart is not in it, you will not be able to feel this Bliss.

So the Path of the Wounded Healer is the Path back to the Heart. Allowing yourself to experience the pain of all the wounds, one is then able to heal all of the Shadows in the Heart. Once that happens, the ability to be innocent comes back. And one begins to feel like a child who is discovering the world for the first time. Your experiences will always be there, but the innocence allows the door of all possibilities to be completely opened, without letting the past experiences predetermine your future. You begin to trust your Heart again, and eventually you follow it. When you follow your Heart, you stop judging yourself and others, becoming free from your deepest fears and non attached to the outcome. What you gain is the ability to steer your destiny, mixing and matching all that life has to offer and keeping only what works for you. If you are able to get this level of being even for a few seconds a day, you will taste the sweet nectar of a thousand pedal lotus that drips on your tongue, as the pedals open one by one, leading you to complete Bliss. The Path of a Wounded Healer brings you back to the Sweetness of Every experience, it brings you back to your own Sweetness.

I think of the process of transformation as a process of birth. Obliviously, not literal birth, for we are only given one body, but spiritual birth. We must be born again and again within the current life time in order for us to experience the complete transformation into Homo Luminous beings. Something in your life needs to change and you know it, so you begin to think about it and by doing that you plant the seeds. And if you have given them the proper nourishing with your intentions, they begin to grow. Until eventually you find yourself in the place of pain. The contractions begin, and you are one on one with the old you; feeling the pain, of your past life. Its intense, so intense that at times you feel like that you might now make through this. Until finally, you begin to see a streak of light, the old and the painful lifts, and you finally feel like the new you is born. Its new, and unusual, but you begin to notice that there is something about you that will never be the same again. And you are filled with excitement about what awaits you ahead...

To be continued....

The Path of a Wounded Healer.... Part I

2010-05-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

As along as I can remember myself I always wanted to help other people. I remember diving into spirituality at 19. I was young, living in NYC, broken and curious as hell:)). Meditation started as an experiment my friend Louis and I have tried. Every night we went out we tried to apply things we read that day. We focused on reading people's minds, visiting past lives, lifting the veil of illusion, and testing how long will it take to turn the room from people with drinks in conversation about nothing, shifting side to side to a wild party:) where everyone dances:). It took us about 5 minutes, bottom line is that we had fund with it. One day in Central Park I felt the Earth rotating on its axis. I felt how big we were, in time and space, and how little I was standing in the park.

Going way back now I would probably call it my first conscious shift. I felt the ground, I felt the Mother Earth, I felt her Mighty Power as she carried me through space on her axis.

Fast forwarding a year into the future, I remember walking out of a yoga class, when my legs shook, and I felt so alive that I knew I have stumbled on an ancient secret, and till this day I fall in love with yoga over and over again. This is when my journey started into the body. Awareness of my actions, awareness of the breath and body, has given me the ability to see the whole me: the physical, the emotional, the energetic, the Spirit-ual me. The yoga practice teaches me how to be the master of my own being, it gives me strength and flexibility to deal with whatever life brings. It also aligned my energy to be able to hold higher vibrations. So as I have made yoga a constant in my life, I proceeded with exploration of meditation and each and every healing practice I came across that was of interest.

So my next discovery were the chakras. These energy centers were so fascinating to me that I did a course of them for about 5 months. As I moved through each chakra, working and understanding the issues each of them contained about our bodies, mental state and predispositions, major changes begun to happen in my life.
The first chakra, is when I went from being broke to living in Pier Village. Somewhere during that time I remember the Second Conscious shift. I was driving a rental beige car, and as I approached West End in Long Branch, I saw the air above the ground shift, like it was part of the Matrix. Pretty wild. When I got to my Heart chakra my father wrote me an email after 10 years of absence and I found Shamanism.
I remember the psychic asked me to my astonishment if I had a friend with an animal name. " NO", I said to him, "Do you?"
Later, I found that I do indeed have a friend with an animal name, and Indian man, with a pipe, named "Silver Wolf." The only reason I know what he looked like, is because as I finished painting an abstract piece one night, I realized it was actually his profile. There he was in his hat with his pipe, guiding me to the new healing practice. And now years later I can tell you that it is the Deepest practice I have ever undertaken.

Following Buddha's advice on trying out every spiritual practice before you blindly believe in it's promise, made it easy for me try different healing techniques without having any prejudice. And just as open mindfully I approached the teaching of the Natives, where I have learned the Path of a Wounded Healer....

To be Continued...

The Jetleg Poet...This must be all that landscape I saw from the plane window

2010-05-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

I can grow Love...

I can grow Love like a rose
From pain and illusion
Planting the seeds in dark and moist soil.
I'll water the soil with my saulty tears.
I'll pray over them till my red blood turns to
Velvet.

I can grow Red Velvety Passion
I'll let it run deep in my belly:
Red Hot Passionate Lava of Love.

I can grow Love like a daisy
Drinking the Sun in
Clean and Refreshing.

I can grow Love like a bird
Bringing the branches into the nest
One by One.

I can grow Love like a fruit tree
Bringing each year new Flowers to Fruit
Juicy and Sweet nektar of Love.

I can grow Love. . .

The Guest House by Rumi

2010-03-23T21:31:00.001-07:00

e Guest House

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

When everything changes...

2010-03-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

my choice is to go where my heart sings.

Like, Rumi, I belong to no country, the wind is my truest ally. I will travel every road on this Earth... until I find that one that will finally bring me to my beloved.
Great, Powerful Almighty Mother Earth...I ask you to guide me in the night.
The Silver trail of Grandmother Moon, will light my path...
The Northern Star...I follow Thee.

For days and days...I sang to Folsom Prison blues...
My tears ran dry....I walked under the blazing Sun...
I dreamt of water...cooling, fresh and satisfying
and then I found you.

You were a miracle. An Angel in disquise.
So powerful, and real and close to my Soul.
Our lips together, our bodies made as one.
The moments that we stole from time and gave it back,
To time.

We swore our love...and love of coarse is just a tragic story.
Life didn't stop, the aces were the circumstances in This game.
We paid our loses to the Sky. We said Good Byes.
You sailed seas.

I stayed. I could not go. You closed the door behind you,
My heart fell out of my chest. I could feel no longer.
I brought together all those little moments, and built myself a life.
I Grew a life, on those little moments that we stole together back in time.

As any gardener agrees that if you plant your seeds in fertile soil,
The flowers will blossom in the Spring.
And here, here is my Spring. They grew.
The flower's silk is woven from my pain.

I died a million times it seems from the day when we first met.
I was reborn a million and one. And everytime, when I arrive at heart again.
The truth is same:
" I want to be free, with your wing touching mine,
When we meet in the Sky."

Why The Feather?

2009-12-07T20:18:00.001-08:00

I'm walking in the studio tonight...and every where I look I see feathers. On the floor, the bags, the paintings...For at least a month and a half I have made it a point that the feather finds its way into everything we produce here...In the beginning I just felt in love with spray painting the feather into gold and silver...so I made a few...but then some how the feathers ended up all over.

So I started to wonder why the feather?

I think it all begun with the Egyptian gatekeeper with a head of the dog, Anubis. I found him in Sacred Circle one day along with Isis. When he made it into my house, one night I randomly noticed that I have painted Anubis in one of my abstract paintings without even realizing it. Of coarse I googled him. It turned out that in the beginning of time he was the god of the Dead. When a person died they had to pass through him in order to step into the other world. He weighted one's heart on the scale opposite the feather, and if the heart was heavier then the feather, well... then one just does not get in.

Then the feather showed up in the teaching of the indigenous people of the Andes...they use it to cleanse ones energy field by brushing the feather along the luminous field....

And then two different clairvoyant people told me that my grandmother, who have passed on when I was 3, comes to visit and when she does she leaves a feather.

So little by little through my life I have started to be aware of feathers and even respect them. When I saw the feather quickly turn gold as a spray painted it, I even fell in love with it. So may be there is a reason for Why The Feathers. In yoga teaching the lotus is the symbol of transformation. Each petal that opens gives more wisdom and light to the individual. The Native American view the birds as powerful animals that come to teach us something. The Eagle, for example is the link between the Middle World( our world) and the Higher World it teaches us how to fly wing to wing with the Great Spirit, the Humming Bird teaches how to drink the essence of life and so on...What if the feathers of the birds are like the petals of lotus. They teach us something....every time...

Spiritual Art Gallery

2009-10-29T12:49:00.000-07:00

Hello All!

First off, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Chris Murphy (Christine if I am in trouble), I am one of the instructors at In Spirit Living, a local artist based out of Long Branch, and as of this month, the curator of our new Spiritual Art Gallery! Starting November 4th, we will be having monthly exhibits at the studio featuring artwork from local New Jersey artists. Our opening reception for our November show "Pulse" will be on Friday November 6th at 7pm. Contributing artists include Janet Nelson, eryka andthrax, Kenny Schuyler, Elizabeth Hanlon, Erika Rainey, Ksenia Poulber, and Rev.Chris Murphy (me). Live music for the event will performed by the Deftet Jazz Trio and Thor Fister w/special guests. We will be serving libations, and hope you decide to attend and join us in a toast to these wonderful and talented people. This evening is a birth of a new era for In Spirit Living, as well as a celebration of our growing family. So much is happening in Long Branch right now for the arts, much of it sparked by Ksenia and myself. I wish that I could include more details, however things are still in an embryonic phase, so please stay tuned because I promise big and great things to come...

Until Next Time!
the reverend

Tri-City Arts is down to One-City Arts!

2009-09-30T11:37:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are local inhabitants of the Jersey Shore the term Tri-City Arts may sound familiar. Being a local business owner with a high passion for the arts I have decided to investigate the arts scene in the area. Last summer I was completely infactuated with the Bohemian feel of Asbury Park, I joined the ArtsCap and painted on the streets, mesmorized by the old archetctural accents of that town. That was before I opened my yoga studio. Now the story is different, if put simply I have no time to sit on the street and just paint, but that didn't make my passion for the art go away. The second part of the yoga studio- the art gallery is approching take off and I have decided to make a few connections with L.B art galleries hoping that the city would have something similar in place as did Asbury Park. What I found there was really no one accept Sica, the gallery off Broadway, the Repertory theater and a few cafes that had open mic nights for the poets. Nothing organized.

But wait a minute...

At In Spirit Living Yoga studio each new student that walks in to take a class fills out an intake form. One of the questions asks to specify the hobbies of the person. Every second person that walks through the door of the studio is an artist. Most of the people who have come to interview for the job at my studio were and are artists themselves. The local population is saturated with creative people who are dying to express themselves. Perhaps people who have created the idea of Tri-City Arts knew this, accept there is no one on that map accept Asbury Park. They took the idea and ran with. So where is Red Bank and Long Branch then? Not sure what to say for Red Bank, but Long Branch is right here, and we are ready to stand up for our passion for Arts.

My new pilates teacher and artist Christine Murphy and I had a lunch meeting today with Doug Ferrari, the executive director of Sica. He told us there is indeed an Art Council in Long Branch, but who is on the board of it is a mystery, as well as when they meet or what they do. He also mentioned that they have almost given up on trying to develop the Arts scene in Long Branch and now are working on joining the AP's Arts Cap. I'm all for joining together, but no one likes a quitter. And by that I do not mean Doug or any other person involved with the Arts in Long Branch, for from my meeting with Doug I can see his readyness and desire to build something more, but the rather the lack of support. Sure there are a lot of businesses that show art in L.B, and sure there are plenty of artists, but each one acts in an isolated manner. And that make us weaker, less organized and almost non-existent.
So lets try this again together. The plan is to organize a Long Branch Art Tour/Festival with the local businesses that want to participate. Create a map and let people wonder from place to place, OK perhaps drive from place to place and see what our city has to offer for themselves!

Whats Love got to do with it?

2009-09-29T11:27:00.000-07:00

The years of our parents when they got to be twenty, fell in love once and immediately got married and had children are over. We are living through times when women had embraced their masculine sides, and men started to connect to their femininity. The old paradigm of getting married and playing the role of an obedient wife, who follows her husband no matter what he chooses, are over. And lets face it, although men may still cling to the idea that they have to be in the driver's sit, they fear it. They fear the decision making, responsibility and commitment. Marriage for many has become the bush of roses, you have to get cut up by the thorns first to enjoy the flowers.

But one can not argue with the biology, we have been made for procreation. I went to a wedding this weekend. The priest read his lines reminding the couple not to forget that they have to continue the human race. And most of us women, can't forget that, the instinct of motherhood has been implanted into our genes. The time comes and we want babies.

And so we enter the dating scene. For some it may be easy, they meet the one the love and stick by his side through thick and thin. They are happy to sacrifice parts of themselves in the name of love, and I admire them. But for me it has never been so easy. I'm a child of two very wounded people, who decided to divorce before they kill each other.

By the time I entered that dating scene I had many problems to deal with. The biggest one of them all was the fact that both of my parents thought that love could be used as a manipulation tool. When I did what they wanted they loved me, they bought me things and took me place, but when I didn't do what they wanted they withdrew their love, they didn't speak to me, and even disowned me saying that I'm no longer their daughter altogether.

It took me years to understand that if my boyfriend didn't call me today it is not because he disowned me, its because he was busy. I hovered over my relationships, expecting the other person to be there for me all the time. I understood the concept of personal space and yet it was hard to keep my space or to give someone else theirs. I was needy. I needed someone else to fill in that void of my father's absence for 13 years of my life. I needed someone to reassure me that I was worth loving. I needed someone to tell me that I was on their priority list. I needed some else to show up for me, when I didn't show up for myself. Needless to say it ruined many of my relationships, because before anyone else, I was unhappy with that scenario.

So a million ruined relationships later, I decide to try my luck again. With no surprise intended my new boyfriend says, "We are moving too fast, you want someone to be there for you all the time. You are such a great girl, but I can't do it for you!" So I set the entire wedding weekend staring into empty space, thinking. I pushed myself to do what I have always done when this happened, say my good byes and part our ways in search of a better match, but something this time was different. I drove home, and that was the most enlightening drive home ever. I suddenly got it. It was one of those Aha! moments you read in the books about. Aha! I said but I don't need him to be there for me all the time. I don't want to poses him, I don't want to cramp his space, I don't need him for anything. I'm OK with or without him, although with him is more fun right now. I offered him the space he wanted, and embraced myself for a long week of waiting for the call. But it only took a day for him to call me. The more space there was, the easier it made it for him to be there for me.

This is what I call good karma. You consciously take action. You take action and make the right decisions from a place of contentment with where ever you may be right now, not a place of fear or desperation, and it make All the difference.

The only constant is a change!

2009-09-24T10:10:00.000-07:00

I think we all have had times when we were just going through life, running our daily errands, thinking all is well one moment, and then having something change the next moment. I mean it could be anything: the lover leaving, the employees quiting, some one dying on the more drastic end of the experience of change. And it could be devastating. I mean even preparing to change something in your life is scary, although you expecting to let go the old things, and experience something different, there is something about the new and the unknown terrain that petrifies us. But when the change happens unexpectedly its is 3 times more devastating.

Let face it we are afraid of change. We are afraid of it, no matter how bad our current condition is, we comfort ourselves with, "Well at least I know what to expect."

For me its a morning of change, things are shifting. If this would be happening to me few years ago, I would be swallowed by sorrow and devastation, not know how to deal with it. Today I took a deep breath and drove to the beach for some yoga and meditation. "Change" I kept pondering in my head. When we are afraid we make moves from a place of desperation. We just don't believe that the Universe will be there to support us. We panic and begin to reach for things that we believe would bring us back to the place of feeling safe. Our old comfort zone. Do you see how this becomes a vicious cycle? Most of us want to change something in our lives, and when the change arrives we get scared and find a way to bring ourselves back to square one, over and over and over again.

So I set their on the rocks. Not knowing what will happen next, I silenced my mind. Not thinking anything is always soooo much better then thinking fearful or negative thoughts. So I did, I silenced my mind. And the next thought was, "Get into the Tree pose." For those of you who are not familiar with yoga, it is a balancing pose done on one leg with hands in prayer at the heart or above the head. I get into a Tree pose, and there in that instant I Was a Tree. I felt the tides of change rippling all around me, and yet in my mind and body I was still. I spread my roots down into the Earth, for I know our Mother Earth is the strongest, most nurturing, nourishing providing force in our Lives. She never denies us, her children in support. It provides us with unlimited abundance.

So I was a Tree. It was the most intelligent move I could have done this morning. For the tree never moves, it never chases, it stands there still, and no matter how strong the winds are, it keeps digging its roots down, growing stronger and stronger. I know that in the tides of change I have a choice, I could be weak and fearful, or courageous, trusting and fearless. I did my practice, and set down to meditate. I'm ready I said to myself, ready for a change. I say "Yes" to change. I say "Yes" to success. I say "Yes" to my own authentic inner power. I say "Yes" to loving and nurturing relationships. I say "Yes" "Yes" "Yes" And believe me when you say yes, your energy changes instantly, you feel vibrant, alive, ready! I reconnected with gratitude of the experience, for what it has given me, released it. Thanked the Sun, The Ocean and the Earth for their wisdom, and was on my way.

As I was walking out I passed by a cafe from which I was visible as I practiced, and I heard a round of applause. These women applauded me, saying that they enjoyed watching me. Mind you I did not do any impressive headstands or anything else like that, and kept my practice very very simple. It was mostly a mental practice. So i guess my conclusion is that the cultivation of inner courage to embrace the change, to learn how to be receptive and trusting, deserves a round of applause!